I think it needs loads of work and it's no where near as dynamic as page three... I was trying to slow the pace a little here as the story progresses quite a lot over the page. Unfortunately I've completely killed it. I don't think there are enough changes of 'camera' angle. No time to do anything about that before Leeds... but if it's a 'no cigar' situation, at least I'll know what to do next!
3 comments:
Don't be overly harsh on this version Kev. I can see what you're saying about variety of viewpoints but I think all it should take is a tweek of camera angle on one or two of the panels. Maybe a tighter close up on panel one (so that it mirrors the last panel on 3 with the guy's face) to link the pages more and make sense of the time jump in the narrative...? Panel 2 needs some dynamics as you say but panel 3 is great... humour and narrative agogo on this one! Perhaps 4 needs a differnt pose on the perp to link it with the toilet pose...? Maybe the guy has fallen face down with his ass in the air...(infact, the pose of the perp in panel 2...)? The car panel works just fine for me, as does panel 6. As for panel 7, I cannot think of another way to stage it... perhaps, would the script allow for you to have the judges waiting in the bank vault, looking cramped and bored, checking their watches..maybe, like this...but not this...maybe??? Way to go on geberating work so fast though, very impressive output!
verification: stedne... what an x-wing pilot with a head cold says while trying to fly along the deathstar trench... stedne, almost dare
I think you are being to hard on yourself. The best storytelling is usually the least complicated.
I agree, not a bad page at all! Personally, I'd maybe change panel 2 to show Dredd really smacking that guy - at the moment it looks a little like a gentle tap on the head :-) A realy dynamic angle on that panel and a little more aggressive movement would do it..
Excellent pages, you're on a roll!
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